Mom = not always easy!

Tonight I sit hear and my heart is heavy...tears in my eyes...frustrated.  We were riding around our little town tonight and we passed the school.  My upcoming 2nd grader said "There is my stupid school that I am not going to be in 2nd grade at"!  It broke my heart!  At 7 he hates school!  He begs to be home schooled....kind of hard when your mom is a teacher!!!!  My heart aches for him!  This is something that I cannot fix!  We have struggled since he was young.  I have apologized more times than I can remember for my sweet boy.  I'm sorry he is running around, I'm sorry he touched that, I'm sorry he isn't listening, I'm sorry he broke that...I'm sorry he did that...I'm sorry he did this or that....I have left many times from a place and just cried my eyes out.  It is hard to be a mom!  It is really hard to be a mom of a child that is made special!  My little guy has known he was special for a long time.  When he was just three he would say, "but....mama...my brain just won't let me".  Honest to goodness, I believe him!!  His brain is wired totally different.  He sees life wide open!  He works on impulsive.  He works with kindness!  As I sit here and cry....I want to change the world for him!  I want to make it easy for him!  He is smart kid....but his spirit has been dampened because he isn't a "normal" child!  I want people to see how smart he is...not that he struggles to read or write.    I want so badly for him to be successful and not have to struggle.  We sat on the bed tonight and just talked.  I talked to him about things and what was going on.  I asked if he understood why God made him different.  He said that he knew God made him different from his friends.  He said "he made me crazy".  I told him that crazy was an awesome thing.  It meant that he wasn't like his friends.  God made him extra special.  God made him see the world like I wish that I could!  I want him to understand that he is special in a GOOD way!  We talked about how he has to work extra hard to get things.  He struggles with reading and we work every day on it and he HATES it!  He reads one page and cries!  I asked him tonight he if really wanted to be able to read and he wouldn't look at me.  He buried his face and gave me two thumbs up and then even put up his feet!  Don't mistake his frustration and hating to read as he doesn't want to....it is just HARD and he shuts down!  It broke my heart that he wouldn't look at me....he is embarrassed that he can't read chapter books like his friends.....he wants so badly to do good!!!  I want to take this away.  My sweet guy has the biggest heart and wants to do so well and please everyone!  I just needed to vent....I need someone to listen...feel my tears!  It is easy to put on a brave face!  God gave me this sweet little boy for so many reasons!  I appreciate those "kids" that don't fit the mold for so many reasons now!!!