NICU is a whole new experience. There is a lot to learn. Hand washing, sign in/out, visitors, courtesy, germs, and the list goes on and on. It is very overwhelming when you walk into the unit. It is divided into four pods. Each pod can hold well over 8 - 10 babies. There are nurses, doctors, and medical students roaming around everywhere. The sounds are another story. There are bells, whistles, alarms, and horns going off every second. You learn what the sounds means. It means someones babies heart rate is dropping or they aren't breathing or a host of other things. It is very scary. You immediately look at your child's monitor to make sure they are breathing, their heart rate is steady and their oxygen level is steady. The monitors make you a nervous wreck. The nurses quickly tell you not to look at the monitor or to even pay it any attention. That is very hard to do!!! That is all you do. You stand their and look at your baby and then you look at the monitor. I have read lately that some moms develop PTSD. The sounds and the stress of the whole experience becomes to overwhelming and hard to handle after the fact.
They also teach you about respect in the unit. They ask you not to look at the other sick babies, to point, or to talk about any of the other babies in the unit. This is so hard to do. There are so many other babies around. There are big babies and super tiny babies. There are babies worse off than yours and there are babies that are much healthier than yours. The most difficult part is watching their bedside continue to be empty day after day. I can't judge.....I wasn't there 24 hours to know if they had visitors or not. However, most of the time, some of the babies didn't have anyone. I know how hard it is for me to visit everyday. It is hard to balance another kid at home, work all day, Bryson's homework at night, supper, school work, and life in-between to be able to visit every afternoon. My husband and family are great, but they aren't mom. There are so many things that require mom!!! This is the hard part. I have been to the hospital everyday for three weeks. It is costly. The gas is terribly expensive and it is an hour to drive each way. With saying all that,I am extremely fortunate to be able to visit each day. There are some families that can't afford to travel each day or live to far, or have to many other children at home. I have also learned that there are some parents who can't handle the situation, so they don't visit. I pray for each of these babies everyday! It is a very hard thing to deal with as a parent. I say this, to ask for prayers for these babies and their families as well. It is not easy to have a baby in NICU.
GERMS!!! I was a total GERM freak when I had my first son! Well, all of that changed very quickly if you know my first son! His nickname is tater!!! When he was about 2 years old, he came walking up in a store eating a tater log....the store didn't sell tater logs. He just found it on the floor!! Needless to say, I got over my germ-phobia. Well, it has started ALL over again! It has to. He is so young and his lungs are so small and his immune system is so weak that he is susceptible to so many things. I have to be his protector!! I wash and then wash again. We will keep handatizer (as my son calls it) on hand ALL the time.
The first time I saw sweet Eli I smiled and cried at the same time! I was so happy to see that sweet baby and so thankful for him and his health. I was also so very sad. It is so sad to see your baby hooked up to IV's, monitors, and know the struggle that is ahead of him. The worse part....I couldn't touch my baby! Do you know how unnatural it feels to carry a baby inside your baby for almost seven months, feel him kick and then suddenly it is gone? You have your baby, but when you go to your room it is empty. It is not natural. You want to hold your baby, you want to kiss his head, you want to feed him. You want him to feel your love! You want to be his mother! You just can't!!! You can't hold him for seven days!!! Pure torture!!! His little body is still not developed enough. He must stay in humidity for seven days to help his little skin develop. It is hard to just watch him lay there. I prayed over him everyday, multiple times a day!
The day I left the hospital was so hard. It is so hard to leave your child behind. Again, it is so unnatural. I needed him and he needed me!! However, I knew the best place for him was the hospital. The nurses and doctors are trained to look after these sweet babies. I was counting down the days until I could hold him. Then I had to make another tough decision. That decision - go back to work. I had to work, so I could save my days and be home for him. More on that later and the first time I held my sweet baby boy!!!!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
I've tried to blog before but couldn't seem to find the time! Now, I have even less time so I have no idea why I am trying this again! Right now it is easier for me to type about my experiences so far rather than telling each person that asks. I seem to cry when asked about Eli. It has not been an easy journey. Rather an emotional roller coaster! I am so very thankful to be given a ticket for this ride, but it hasn't been an easy one! It is so hard to talk about things when everyone asks me. I just seem to cry! I am just worn out! I will start with the story of the night my sweet miracle was born!!!
After two long years of trying for this sweet miracle, we were so very excited and very nervous! With our first son being six years old, we knew it would be like starting over for us! We haven't set up anything or bought anything for our little bundle of joy. We knew we had almost three months. He didn't even have a name!!! As a teacher, names aren't easy!!! I have taught a kid with "that" name before!!! I mean my due date wasn't until January 22, 2014!!!
It had been the perfect pregnancy! Well, all that changed on Monday, November 4th! It was a normal Monday. I was teaching but noticed I was hurting a little more than normal. Around lunch I started bleeding and my heart fell apart. I drove quickly to Savannah. I prayed the entire way there through the tears! My doctor wasn't in, but another doctor examined me and sent me home. The bleeding and contractions increased and we went to the ER that afternoon. My sweet daddy drove me and my husband met us at the hospital. They immediately gave me medication to stop the contractions. After the 2nd shot, it seemed to work. I kept asking how the baby was. They keep telling me that he awesome. He had no idea what was going on. His little world was still safe and perfect. They gave me shots to help his lungs develop just in case he did decide to come early. I fell apart! I told them it was way to early for him to come. The resident (doctor on call) held my hand and reassured me that they would do they could for him if he did come early. I was 28 weeks at this point. With tears streaming down my face, I told her I knew they would do everything they could, but as a teacher I know the long term with babies born this early. I want the best for my son!! As doctors, there job is to save the baby. As a mom, my job is to give him the best. This scared me....I wanted to do my part as his mom and keep him in longer. He needed to grow! They assured me that he wasn't coming that night and each day he was inside was better for him. The plan was to send me home on bed rest. The next morning I had another ultrasound and the baby was perfectly fine! He looked great! The ultrasound didn't show anything wrong with me or the baby. He was 2lbs. 12 ounces on Tuesday morning. My doctor finally determined that I had placenta abruption. Which is basically a small tear in my placenta. They said it wasn't anything I had done to cause it! Still, as a mother, you feel guilty. My job is to keep him safe and growing for the entire 40 weeks.
By Thursday, the contractions had stopped! I felt good! I sent my mom and Jeremy home. I would be fine by myself!! Our oldest son needed his daddy! He needed his little world to be normal too!! Around 7:00 p.m., I was very uncomfortable. The contractions and severe bleeding had started all over!!! I was devastated. I was in severe pain. I tried to be brave as long as I could. The pain was intense! The contractions earlier in the week were not progressing me toward labor. However, this time was different. I kept telling the nurse I was having contractions, but nothing was picking up on the monitor. I called Jeremy around 9:00 p.m. and told him that I thought he needed to come that things were getting worse. Jeremy finally made it by 10:00 p.m. He drove 100 miles per hour the entire way to the hospital and a police turned their lights on him. He called 911 and explained the situation and they turned around. He said he wasn't stopping for anyone!! The doctor on call finally checked me because I was in immense pain. When she checked, I was dilated to a 5. She calmly told me that I would have to deliver tonight. My heart sank. Jeremy held my hand and I cried. I told him that I was ready. I had prayed already and asked God to please look after our little one. My body was so tired and in so much pain. I didn't know how much more I could take. It is hard to explain, but at this point I was calm. I knew God had his hand on me and my baby. I asked him to give me a miracle!! I prayed for the nurses and doctors as they took care of my sweet baby. Jeremy held my had before they took me to the operating room and he simply said, "he still doesn't have a name"! Right there, with our hands together we decided on Eli. Our miracle now had a name! I was whisked off to the operating room and prepped for a C-section. My doctor arrived and everyone assured me they would take care of my sweet Eli as soon as he was born. All I could think of was that sweet cry when Bryson was born (my first) and how I wouldn't hear that with this little one.
God is GOOD! My doctor held him up and he cried!!! The cry meant he was breathing!!!!! I cried!!! My doctor was so excited! She told Jeremy to get the camera ready. We were so unprepared....all we had was his cell phone! He snapped one picture! They had already told me that they would take him and it would be several hours before I would see him because they would have to do some much work on him. Within 10 minutes, this itty bitty tiny baby was brought back into the operating room for his mama to kiss his tiny head! God is so GOOD! They told us his weight and his APGAR score. He was 3lbs exactly and 16 inches long at 29 weeks!!!! His APGAR score was 9 out of 9. My doctor started laughing. She said, "that has never happened before". "They have never brought a 29 week baby back into the operating room, breathing on his own with an APGAR score of 9/9. She said most full term babies don't score that well. 10 is the best and it is hard to get. She was amazed at what she had just witnessed!! What she and the rest of the NICU team, nurses, an anesthesiologist had witnessed was a miracle! A miracle from God! My three pound baby boy was born in this world at 29 weeks. His name is Eli. A letter for each pound!!! Thank you God for our sweet miracle. I prayed hard for a miracle and God answered!!!!
After two long years of trying for this sweet miracle, we were so very excited and very nervous! With our first son being six years old, we knew it would be like starting over for us! We haven't set up anything or bought anything for our little bundle of joy. We knew we had almost three months. He didn't even have a name!!! As a teacher, names aren't easy!!! I have taught a kid with "that" name before!!! I mean my due date wasn't until January 22, 2014!!!
It had been the perfect pregnancy! Well, all that changed on Monday, November 4th! It was a normal Monday. I was teaching but noticed I was hurting a little more than normal. Around lunch I started bleeding and my heart fell apart. I drove quickly to Savannah. I prayed the entire way there through the tears! My doctor wasn't in, but another doctor examined me and sent me home. The bleeding and contractions increased and we went to the ER that afternoon. My sweet daddy drove me and my husband met us at the hospital. They immediately gave me medication to stop the contractions. After the 2nd shot, it seemed to work. I kept asking how the baby was. They keep telling me that he awesome. He had no idea what was going on. His little world was still safe and perfect. They gave me shots to help his lungs develop just in case he did decide to come early. I fell apart! I told them it was way to early for him to come. The resident (doctor on call) held my hand and reassured me that they would do they could for him if he did come early. I was 28 weeks at this point. With tears streaming down my face, I told her I knew they would do everything they could, but as a teacher I know the long term with babies born this early. I want the best for my son!! As doctors, there job is to save the baby. As a mom, my job is to give him the best. This scared me....I wanted to do my part as his mom and keep him in longer. He needed to grow! They assured me that he wasn't coming that night and each day he was inside was better for him. The plan was to send me home on bed rest. The next morning I had another ultrasound and the baby was perfectly fine! He looked great! The ultrasound didn't show anything wrong with me or the baby. He was 2lbs. 12 ounces on Tuesday morning. My doctor finally determined that I had placenta abruption. Which is basically a small tear in my placenta. They said it wasn't anything I had done to cause it! Still, as a mother, you feel guilty. My job is to keep him safe and growing for the entire 40 weeks.
By Thursday, the contractions had stopped! I felt good! I sent my mom and Jeremy home. I would be fine by myself!! Our oldest son needed his daddy! He needed his little world to be normal too!! Around 7:00 p.m., I was very uncomfortable. The contractions and severe bleeding had started all over!!! I was devastated. I was in severe pain. I tried to be brave as long as I could. The pain was intense! The contractions earlier in the week were not progressing me toward labor. However, this time was different. I kept telling the nurse I was having contractions, but nothing was picking up on the monitor. I called Jeremy around 9:00 p.m. and told him that I thought he needed to come that things were getting worse. Jeremy finally made it by 10:00 p.m. He drove 100 miles per hour the entire way to the hospital and a police turned their lights on him. He called 911 and explained the situation and they turned around. He said he wasn't stopping for anyone!! The doctor on call finally checked me because I was in immense pain. When she checked, I was dilated to a 5. She calmly told me that I would have to deliver tonight. My heart sank. Jeremy held my hand and I cried. I told him that I was ready. I had prayed already and asked God to please look after our little one. My body was so tired and in so much pain. I didn't know how much more I could take. It is hard to explain, but at this point I was calm. I knew God had his hand on me and my baby. I asked him to give me a miracle!! I prayed for the nurses and doctors as they took care of my sweet baby. Jeremy held my had before they took me to the operating room and he simply said, "he still doesn't have a name"! Right there, with our hands together we decided on Eli. Our miracle now had a name! I was whisked off to the operating room and prepped for a C-section. My doctor arrived and everyone assured me they would take care of my sweet Eli as soon as he was born. All I could think of was that sweet cry when Bryson was born (my first) and how I wouldn't hear that with this little one.
God is GOOD! My doctor held him up and he cried!!! The cry meant he was breathing!!!!! I cried!!! My doctor was so excited! She told Jeremy to get the camera ready. We were so unprepared....all we had was his cell phone! He snapped one picture! They had already told me that they would take him and it would be several hours before I would see him because they would have to do some much work on him. Within 10 minutes, this itty bitty tiny baby was brought back into the operating room for his mama to kiss his tiny head! God is so GOOD! They told us his weight and his APGAR score. He was 3lbs exactly and 16 inches long at 29 weeks!!!! His APGAR score was 9 out of 9. My doctor started laughing. She said, "that has never happened before". "They have never brought a 29 week baby back into the operating room, breathing on his own with an APGAR score of 9/9. She said most full term babies don't score that well. 10 is the best and it is hard to get. She was amazed at what she had just witnessed!! What she and the rest of the NICU team, nurses, an anesthesiologist had witnessed was a miracle! A miracle from God! My three pound baby boy was born in this world at 29 weeks. His name is Eli. A letter for each pound!!! Thank you God for our sweet miracle. I prayed hard for a miracle and God answered!!!!
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