NICU is a whole new experience. There is a lot to learn. Hand washing, sign in/out, visitors, courtesy, germs, and the list goes on and on. It is very overwhelming when you walk into the unit. It is divided into four pods. Each pod can hold well over 8 - 10 babies. There are nurses, doctors, and medical students roaming around everywhere. The sounds are another story. There are bells, whistles, alarms, and horns going off every second. You learn what the sounds means. It means someones babies heart rate is dropping or they aren't breathing or a host of other things. It is very scary. You immediately look at your child's monitor to make sure they are breathing, their heart rate is steady and their oxygen level is steady. The monitors make you a nervous wreck. The nurses quickly tell you not to look at the monitor or to even pay it any attention. That is very hard to do!!! That is all you do. You stand their and look at your baby and then you look at the monitor. I have read lately that some moms develop PTSD. The sounds and the stress of the whole experience becomes to overwhelming and hard to handle after the fact.
They also teach you about respect in the unit. They ask you not to look at the other sick babies, to point, or to talk about any of the other babies in the unit. This is so hard to do. There are so many other babies around. There are big babies and super tiny babies. There are babies worse off than yours and there are babies that are much healthier than yours. The most difficult part is watching their bedside continue to be empty day after day. I can't judge.....I wasn't there 24 hours to know if they had visitors or not. However, most of the time, some of the babies didn't have anyone. I know how hard it is for me to visit everyday. It is hard to balance another kid at home, work all day, Bryson's homework at night, supper, school work, and life in-between to be able to visit every afternoon. My husband and family are great, but they aren't mom. There are so many things that require mom!!! This is the hard part. I have been to the hospital everyday for three weeks. It is costly. The gas is terribly expensive and it is an hour to drive each way. With saying all that,I am extremely fortunate to be able to visit each day. There are some families that can't afford to travel each day or live to far, or have to many other children at home. I have also learned that there are some parents who can't handle the situation, so they don't visit. I pray for each of these babies everyday! It is a very hard thing to deal with as a parent. I say this, to ask for prayers for these babies and their families as well. It is not easy to have a baby in NICU.
GERMS!!! I was a total GERM freak when I had my first son! Well, all of that changed very quickly if you know my first son! His nickname is tater!!! When he was about 2 years old, he came walking up in a store eating a tater log....the store didn't sell tater logs. He just found it on the floor!! Needless to say, I got over my germ-phobia. Well, it has started ALL over again! It has to. He is so young and his lungs are so small and his immune system is so weak that he is susceptible to so many things. I have to be his protector!! I wash and then wash again. We will keep handatizer (as my son calls it) on hand ALL the time.
The first time I saw sweet Eli I smiled and cried at the same time! I was so happy to see that sweet baby and so thankful for him and his health. I was also so very sad. It is so sad to see your baby hooked up to IV's, monitors, and know the struggle that is ahead of him. The worse part....I couldn't touch my baby! Do you know how unnatural it feels to carry a baby inside your baby for almost seven months, feel him kick and then suddenly it is gone? You have your baby, but when you go to your room it is empty. It is not natural. You want to hold your baby, you want to kiss his head, you want to feed him. You want him to feel your love! You want to be his mother! You just can't!!! You can't hold him for seven days!!! Pure torture!!! His little body is still not developed enough. He must stay in humidity for seven days to help his little skin develop. It is hard to just watch him lay there. I prayed over him everyday, multiple times a day!
The day I left the hospital was so hard. It is so hard to leave your child behind. Again, it is so unnatural. I needed him and he needed me!! However, I knew the best place for him was the hospital. The nurses and doctors are trained to look after these sweet babies. I was counting down the days until I could hold him. Then I had to make another tough decision. That decision - go back to work. I had to work, so I could save my days and be home for him. More on that later and the first time I held my sweet baby boy!!!!
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