The day we brought Eli home was very emotional. I am still dealing with the whole ordeal. It is hard for me to think about the 38 days we spent in the NICU. I am sure I will get better with time about dealing with my emotions and the entire experience.
We got word on Thursday that Eli would be coming home any day. We knew the time was getting close, but we still couldn't wrap our heads around it. We were still so unprepared. No crib, bottles, formula, diapers, pacifier, preemie clothes....all of those things you pick up as the date gets closer. I was extremely nervous....I couldn't imagine being a first time mommy and having a preemie. It was such an emotional experience that I don't know if I could go through it again. I missed three months of my pregnancy. Some people might think that is GREAT, however, after you have been through what I experienced physically, emotionally, and then the worry of your unborn child. Nope, I will take those last three months of nesting and tiredness anytime!
It was a very surreal feeling as we pulled up to the hospital and took in clothes to bring him home in. These are things that are not normal. You bring your baby home after two or three days after you deliver them. I had been living my life with my newborn living under a different roof for 38 days. I'm not saying I know how anyone feels because I have never been in an adoptive mothers shoes, but that is almost what it felt like. We were going to pick up our baby. I wasn't able to bring him home right after delivery. There was excitement and extreme nervousness. I compared to an adoptive mother bringing a child home for the first time.
We had to complete a discharge class before we could leave. It was basically all of the basics for a first time parent, but the preemie edition. This made me even more nervous. CPR for a preemie.....how they might stop breathing.....feeding issues.....illness and back to the hospital. By the time the class was over, my nerves we shot!!! I know.....it doesn't take much for my nerves to be frazzled at this point, but it is now real. Our miracle baby will be going home!!
During the middle of the class, I get a call that my debt card had been stolen and they canceled my card. Great!! Just great! Another thing to add to my list! I didn't let this bring me down! I know what struggle and adversity is....but my God brought me through it! He allowed me to deliver a very healthy (uncommon) 29 week baby boy who was breathing on his own. He continued to show me how wonderful and powerful he is! He provided for Eli so many times! I have been truly blessed!!
I'm getting chill bumps and the tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this. We packed up all of his stuff in his little bed. We packed all of his clothes, diapers, and supplies from the last 38 days. In a blink, it was all in a bag and there was just little Eli in his bed ready to join his family! We dressed him and got him ready to meet the outside world. I was terrified of the germs! I was terrified to use the elevator! I was terrified as we waited in the lobby for the car! I was terrified of germs!!! I didn't want him to get sick. That is what they preach to you in the NICU. Keep your baby away from others. Do not go out. It is cold/flu/RSV season. If they get sick, they will more than likely be on a ventilator fighting for their little lives because cold/flu/RSV are so devastating for a preemie. This is a hard pill to swallow as a mom! I am his defense! I am his protector. I have to keep him well! I have to make the right decision about his health. I have to make sure everyone washes their hands. I have to make sure people aren't sick when they are around him. I have to take him back and forth to doctor appointments and keep him well!! I have to protect this little tiny miracle! Talk about STRESS!!!
We strapped that little five pound baby miracle boy in his car seat and the nurse lead us out the door. We said our goodbyes to the staff and nurses and in that instant the last 38 days were in the past. We were on our way to starting a new journey. The journey of raising another bouncing baby boy!
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