Week 5 - Ups and Downs and Getting Closer!!

Wow, when I look back on week five, our last week, it all seems like a blur.  We got word from the doctors that he would be going home very soon!  I kept asking what very soon was.  Tomorrow, two days from now, a week!  They couldn't tell me.  I am a planner!  A very OCD type of planner!  I know someone of you reading this now are smiling and agreeing!!  That is just who I am!!  OCD!!!  I am better than I used to be....I credit my severely ADHD husband and his mini me.....my oldest ADHD son!  Anyway, I needed to be able to find a sub!  This is hard work during the holidays!  I was stressing because of work, I was stressing because we still had nothing done or bought, and I was stressing because we were bringing a very premature baby home!!!  I knew work would work itself out and I had amazing people to help me with that worry!  As far as having nothing ready, well, that would be okay too!  He wouldn't remember his nursery wasn't complete or that his crib was still not even in his room!  However, the part that scared me the most was bringing him home!  In the back of my mind, I knew I could do it!  I had to do it!  He was my baby!  My very small, teeny, tiny, three month early baby!  I was worried about the germs, breathing, choking and everything else under the sun.  I watched my first son sleep for his entire two months at home!!!  Now, I have a tiny baby that really isn't supposed to breath on their own without forgetting until after 36 weeks!!!  They were sending my baby home at 36 weeks and 3 days!  They assured me that if he didn't have any episodes in the hospital on the monitors then he should be fine at home.  It still scared me!  He still wasn't feeding the best.  We still were feeding him on his side because honestly, he isn't supposed to be able to suck, swallow, and breath until right now!  Our little guy got a two week head start.  The really scary thing was the germ factor.  How can I prevent this sweet little baby from getting sick?  All of the statuses I read on Facebook are people who are sick.  You walk past someone on the street and they are coughing and sneezing!!  It scares me!!  I have a very ALL BOY six year old at home.  Germ is his middle name along with a few other names too!!!  This was the part that honestly worried me the most.  I was worried that we wouldn't wash our hands enough and we would get him sick!!

On Monday of the final week, my little guy was doing very well with his bottle feedings.  They have to be able to take all of their feedings by bottle every three hours for 48 hours in order to be able to go home.  It was very nerve racking.  I would call the hospital when we woke up to check in with the nurse, I would call her at lunch, I would see her when I got to the hospital after work, and then I would call the night nurse before I went to bed every night.  I had too!  I needed too! I was worried about him taking all of his bottles like he was supposed to.  This was our ticket home!  I also called because it is hard to have a baby and have no idea how or what they are doing.  Yes, I know they eat, sleep, and use the bathroom, but you mom's know exactly what I am talking about.  It is like when you leave them for the first time to go back to work.  Well, image that on an even grander scale.  Not even bringing them home and having to leave them everyday for five weeks!  Anyway, when I would call I would get the update if he was able to take his bottle by mouth.  I was pushing for him to be able to do it, but then again, I didn't want them to push him to hard and he not be ready.  Well, he had made it 24 hours and we were on the down hill slide!  Then I called to check on him and he had given up on feeding by bottle.  He was just to tired!!!  It broke my heart!  I wanted him home so very bad.  I wanted my family to all be together at home.  I wanted to be normal again (whatever that is)!  When I arrived at the hospital the next day, I walked in his room and fell apart.  He looked so small, so lonely, and he looked weak.  Call it mother's intuition, but I knew my little guy didn't look strong like he had the week before. I held him and we talked!  It was time to feed him and they allowed me to bottle feed him.  He did great!!  We were back on track.  The count down for 48 hours would start all over again from this bottle feeding.  He was eating and he was eating well.  The nurses all reassured me that most babies just need a break and then they won't look back!

Well, I went back on Wednesday night and the nurse said he noticed his color wasn't looking good.  I freaked out!!!  I had noticed it too days before!!  I just thought he was tired.  She said they had tested his blood and basically his iron was low.  This can cause them to be weak and tire easily....exactly what he was doing.  She said that in some cases if they don't bring it up he would need a blood transfusion.  I fought back the tears and tried to be strong.  I asked her a million questions about it.  I am sure she was ready for me to hush!!!  She said it was very common.  Premature babies need blood all the time!!  This scared me.  I didn't want my baby to have someone else's blood.  I wanted him to have mine!  He was supposed to have mine.  Apparently, they absorb the iron their little bodies need in the third trimester...well, Mr. Eli skipped the third trimester and this is why his little body was low.

I just sat there holding my little boy tight.  I was worried about his little tired body.  I was worried about him getting blood from someone else.  I was just flat out TIRED!  I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  I held him!  We had a new roommate that day and it was the little babies aunt that was there visiting with the baby.  I noticed their chart on the outside of the bed was labeled "baby a" out of triplets.  I had only seen two babies associated with this family.  My heart broke for them.  I figured the third baby didn't make it at birth.  Well, come to find out!  The third baby had died the week before.  The triplets were born in October and were all going home within the week.  The baby boy got an infection and had to be put on a ventilator and never came off.  Oh, talk about cry your eyeballs out!  This hit home for me.  Here we were about to go home and the worst might happen.  They were talking about Eli needing blood and how tired he was. I was a wreck.

I managed to make it to the car again that night without showing my feelings on the outside. It is a long and lonely walk to your car every night all by yourself when you leave your flesh and blood on the 2nd floor for someone else to care for!!!  When I got to the car, the first thing I did was get on Facebook.  I knew my Facebook prayer warriors would help!!  I knew how awesome my God was and he was in the answering prayers business!!  I asked for prayers for Eli and his iron levels!  You responded with overwhelming support and God listed to your prayers!  Eli started an iron supplement the next day and he continued to eat and get stronger!  Looks like we would be coming home by the weekend!!!  Stay tuned.....for the fun filled events that occurred on the day we brought Eli home!!