Why me?

I can honestly say, I never asked "why me"!  I asked myself, "why not me"?  I have been blessed.  Why should I not get to see God's miraculous work outside of the womb?  I get to witness his miracle first hand every single day.  I get to see what happens from week 29 to week 40.  Instead of it happening inside my body, God is allowing me to witness it with my own eyes.  I get to see how his skin changes, how the hair grow, his eyebrows come in, and his rays of sunshine as a call them (eyelashes) develop.  How his nervous system changes from week to week.  It is a true miracle to watch it happen before your eyes.  I'm not sure how you simply can't believe in God if you think about the miracle of birth.  It honestly is a true miracle that two people can create life.  God is definitely amazing.  I am blessed to be able to see what God is doing for Eli before my eyes.  Not only before my eyes, but as a testimony of his greatness before so many other people too.  I asked for the miracle and I got it.  Eli has been an amazing gift!!!  I so glad me picked me!!!

I have never questioned God as to why Eli came so early, but used it as a witness for his amazing goodness and power!  I have thought about the benefits of having a preemie so many different times.  There are a ton of reasons.  As I stated before, the best reason is for the testimony!  I also knew my first son was different and he was full term.  Bryson was born with wheels.  He is six now, but I knew before he was a year old that he was ADHD.  He was always on the go and just busy.  He was never content.  I dreamed of having a child I could sit and read to.  Well, I could read to him if I chased him!!!   I can remember apologizing so many times for him because he was so busy and impulsive as a toddler.  I can remember crying because he seemed so different. I have read so many books on boys and ADHD!!!!  However, over the years I have realized that God gave me Bryson to teach me patience, to make me appreciate the small things, to make me enjoy life a little more, and to make me a better teacher.  Having Bryson has made me realize that all children are not alike.  Bryson can learn and listen even when you think he isn't.  He isn't the perfect cookie cutter kid.  He isn't going to sit still, but that doesn't mean he isn't listening.  He has the biggest heart!  He would do anything for anyone!  He seems rough and tough but he has an extremely sensitive side too!    Having Bryson has help me become a better teacher.  I understand these type of children so much better.  I doesn't bother me to have a student that stands or sits on their knees because I know my own child is just like this!  I am also able to relate to parents with kids with ADHD.  I am better equipped to talk with them about their own problems at home or in the classroom because I can relate.  I have been through the same things.  It is not easy to have a child with a disability.  I graduated with honors from high school, college, and with my Master's degree.  It is hard to learn that your child is different.  It is not easy to watch your child struggle because he is different.  You have to take yourself out of the equation and think about what is best for your child.  Bryson has helped me do this!!!  God gave me Bryson for a reason!

Eli was given to me for a reason too!  Eli still has a lot to teach me!  I have already learned so much about preemie's.  I know God gave me Eli for a reason too!  An important question in school if your child is having problems is......drum roll.......at what week was your baby born?????    Well, most babies that have problems, developmental delays or other specific issues were born early!!  I know this!  This is what terrified me about him being born so early when the problems started!  However, now I look at it as a blessing.  Eli will teach me, so I can teach others.  It has been an amazing journey to learn through my kids.

If someone asked me if I would change anything about the last four and a half weeks, I would tell them, NO!  Nope, I wouldn't change a thing!  God had a plan.  It is still in the works.  I have seen part of the plan unfold before my eyes.  I will watch the plan unfold as my sweet Eli grows over the years.  I just have to sit back and enjoy the plan.  As OCD as I am, I just have to trust God.  God has a plan!  I am blessed to be the mother of two not so average little boys!!!  God didn't say life would be easy, but he did say he would go every step of the way with you!!!!